Pain

I remember one day sitting with a precious older woman in Memphis right before I got married. This amazing, godly woman said to me, "Laura, the older I get, the more I cry, the more easily the tears come." I have carried Mrs. Montague's words with me and find how very true they are. I have watched pain in friends, family, and strangers. It seems the older I get the more pain I see and experience. In these places is where I cry out most for my God to come. It is in those secret places that I learn that in pain hope arises and maturity blooms. This song never fails to bring me to my knees and sob. My soul delights to be with Him. He knows our pain.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFdXbC_mQjE

A New Season Coming

I have been absent. I write a million posts in my mind that never make it to the computer. We are coming up on two years back from India, can you believe it? I have been cooking and craving Indian food like never before! :)

At the beginning of this year Matt and I celebrated 10 years of marriage! I adore that man!!! YEEHAW! Matt is about to FINISH almost two years worth of tests toward his Architecture license! He has passed six and will take the final one at the end of April. Life will look so different when he is not studying all the time. I cannot wait! There will be a party at the Pinkstaffs in May! This new season will also have a change for me. I have accepted a preschool teaching position that will also enable me to have Ivy in my class for the next two years! I am thrilled to be in a classroom again.

The Lord has also given me some special friendships here that have been a gift beyond belief! I am so thankful for these special women who make me long to go deeper in my faith and are full of godly character!

I am sure there will be more to share in the coming months! God continues to show me He seeks to build me in His image, and ruin what is not a reflection of His glory!

Picking Through the Ruins

Warning: I am laying some things bare, please be gentle.

I have been spending some time reflecting on the past ten years of my life. Why ten? Ten, because these are the years I think the Lord really grabbed hold of me and began His refining work.

As I was thinking through all He had brought me through this past year, I felt as though I needed to share it. God has been showing me particular sins, and giving me the desire to put them to death. The truth is, I struggle deeply with pride and a competitive spirit. Through the years I have ended up letting my flesh take "radically" living for Christ and letting that birth pride and a sense of competition with others. Oh, and how we can cover pride and competition from others. I believe I did just that. We can make it look so godly, can't we?! We can do a whole lot of good stuff and look really good to the rest of the world and fool ourselves into having a pure heart in it all. We can look at another (Lord, help us women!) and say, Oh I am so much better at ____ than her, or if I could only be like _____." I can honestly, without stepping you through the last ten years too intimately, tell you that I started to put my name on "it". I started to look to my left and right and compare. I could easily beat myself up if I did not measure up. I sought a reputation that had my name on it.

I can say, since coming back from India and Him placing us here in this town, I have fought a hard fight against the reality of what He has revealed. My pride would not let me see that the sweet mercy of the Lord was disciplining me. My reputation was too important, I believed I must keep up appearances. But, He was after me! He used relationships, circumstances, new roles, and a new place to expose my heart. Oh how careful we must be to make sure we do not seek the glory that belongs solely to the Lord.

I am going to continue this in another post a bit later.

Tonight

Tonight a precious family I adore will land in Delhi, India. They will push through the airport with four weary children and begin another chapter of life. My family has walked life with the Weavers for ten years. In those ten years we have done much laughing and much weeping. Sima is my best friend. She is one of the strongest people I know, with one of the gentlest voices you have ever heard. Sima has been with me during my darkest hours and during many moments of unspeakable joy! I have watched her four little children grow from tiny babies to be amazing, sensitive, godly children!

Before either of us had children we met in the inner city of Memphis with the same heart's desire, to see God transform a neighborhood and have the joy of watching Him do it. We shared life with one another for some years while becoming closely knit as families. Then came the day where we had to say goodbye. The Weaver family was led by God to India. I cried harder than I had ever imagined possible that day and the week following. She was my sister, she was my best friend, they had all become a part of our family! How could God take them? But His plans were greater. Joe and Sima served in one of the hardest places on earth for three years. They served at a small hospital in a village. The stories they shared are amazing, God did so much through them and they also saw and experienced immeasurable sorrow and pain. Sima and I talked weekly, or as much as we could due to the unpredictable phone lines. Then came an unexpected turn in my own family's life, we too were going to live in India! We ended up in a different part of India, serving in the Himalayan foot hills of North India, while Joe and Sima were south of us. God made it possible for our families to see one another twice a year, and we savored every minute together! We even had the joy of meeting the fourth little Weaver after her premature birth! Our dear friends served in a remote area for three years among the poorest of the poor in India. They then felt the Lord leading them for a time back to Memphis. It was another year of phone struggles as Sima would call me in India over and over again in hopes our phone would work. I would, in turn spend many hours up on the roof trying to get a signal so I could hear her voice. Oh how many stories we have shared. Those phone call were treasures in what was such a desert time!

So tonight, as I said before, they are returning to India. But this time, they will take the train from Delhi to the very hill station town my family spent almost three years in. My heart is aching. How little time we have had in the same place. How can I not ask why we are not there together, missing eachother by one year? But, I cling to the knowledge that God knows best. HE KNOWS. I am thankful to have them meet our friends there, to know where to tell them to go to find something, and to be able to see their new chapter in my mind's eye. I know those mountains will take their breath away. I know Aneil will serve them a wonderful bun omelet. I know the Weavers will walk the very trails our family did. I know they will chase some of the same monkeys we did...:) Above all, I know God is there too. North India, you are getting two amazing doctors and four precious children. No worries, I have my phone mintues ready and my dialing finger poised!

Another family, you know who you are...One also VERY dear to us will be following the Weavers to the very town we came from too...Oh North India, you have NO IDEA how jealous I am of you! I will now go repent for my covetness.

Update

Hey y'all!

I realize that you deserve an update on us, so I will try my best to deliver it to you!

Sophia just turned 7 and is in 2nd grade. She is playing soccer and continues to be our little encourager! She is in love with life and has such a heart for others.

Hannah just turned 5 and is in her final year of preschool. She adores her teacher and classmates and is totally thriving. Hannah has great compassion and fire. I cannot wait, Lord willing, to see what her future has in store.

Ivy just turned 2 and is a world class ham! She is loud and full of energy! Ivy constantly displays little fear of anything keeping her mama on her toes at all times.

Matt is continuing on his long journey to becoming a licenced architect. He has to take seven tests over the next year and a half to be licensed. He has passed his first two and is now studying for the third. It has been a really intense year for Matt.

I have been busy with three little ladies, as well as, doing a little of this and that on the side. I just started a home day care and am learning a lot about organizing my life through this experience, HA! I watch a little girl who I ask that you pray for. Her story is precious and her parents are struggling. The story about how they came into our life still blows me away. I struggled for so long thinking God had shelved us as far as ministry. The enemy had a hay-day with my heart. God is showing me He desires to use us. This time though, I want everything to be about Him. When will I get it through my head that life is not about us? I want my very marrow to know it is all about Him.

Thanking God for Charlie

I never knew Charlie, but my husband has told me stories about their many adventures together. Charlie came into Matt's life in high school. He was a mentor to Matt. He invested a lot into Matt's life for a long time. He even showed up at Matt's college graduation. Charlie never married, but spent his life investing in the next generation. He loved the Lord. Matt and Charlie lost touch after we got married, but Matt never forgot him and often wondered where he was. Last night Matt came to bed and told me he did another search for Charlie on the internet. Charlie died less than a year ago. Matt talked about the memories he had and we held each other for a bit.

Thank you Charlie for letting the Lord lead you to Matt and showing my husband what it meant to be a man of God. Thank your for the time you spent and the effort you gave in helping him grow to be a man of God. You glorified God in the investment you made. Praise God!

I know that Matt and I want to be a Charlie, a picture of Christ in the life of the next generation. Praise God for the Charlies of this world, you are a light!

These Days

It has almost been a year since we made our journey back to America. The lessons of this past year have been some of the hardest I have ever learned. They have also been some of the sweetest times of seeing God provide in amazing ways for our family. I think I am starting to let myself "live" here. I have learned that my identity is not based on where I live. My identity is in Christ alone. His fame, not mine. This season has taught me a lot about God's power. He can accomplish anything without me...Did you hear that Laura? He does not need me. Humbling. By His grace and mercy, He chooses to use me. I am to glorify Him. I am to be head-over-heels in love with my Savior.

As I look back, I think I can say India humbled me until my face hit the ground. I now believe that was the best thing God could ever have done for me and my judgemental, legalistic heart. Things are not black and white as I once thought, there is so much gray in this world. Perhaps that is what brings me to my knees so much more. There has been such a depth and anguish to these past four years, and yet a hope and goodness I cannot express.

We just love our community here. I cannot believe we have such precious and caring neighbors. Our church has become so precious to us as well. Our pastor's wife has become one of my closest friends. A treasure. I have becoming involved in the elimination of modern day slavery. There are victims everywhere. We have 11 victims that have been rescued in our city in the past two months. This crime surpasses illegal guns and drugs, makes the most money globally, and is in your city or town. It is the biggest global problem. Learn about it! This issue has stretched me in so many ways. We will have our first Freedom Walk this weekend and I am so excited to raise awareness in our city.

I have also entered into the running community here. I am training for a marathon in September. Only by God's grace have I found amazing joy in running again. I have been running with the Columbia Track Club and feel like a full-blown runner again! I was even given a high-tech watch that has a GPS in it!

In a couple weeks we will head to Arkansas and reunite with some dear, dear families for some coveted time together. I cannot wait to see those Snaders and Weavers!!!!! We will also be saying goodbye to them as they go to the VERY town in India we came from a year ago. Let me just tell you that has been one of the most difficult things for me to reason with God about. Why on earth did we just come from there and you are sending two of my closest friends from where we just came from?? All I am sayin' is in Heaven, I would really like us all to live in the same mansion or something!! I am sure I will have wonderful pictures to share from that time!