I am ruined...

"Ruins"
Bebo Norman

Laying flat upon my back
All the world in motion
Everything goes by so fast
I feel like I'm frozen
After all is said and done
Did I fail to mention
Everything I haven't done
All my good intentions

This is my holy hour, This is my world on fire
This is my desperate play, This is where I am saved

I've no fear of height or depth
I've no fear of crashing
The single thing I fear the most
Simply feeling nothing

This is my holy hour, This is my world on fire
This is my desperate play, This is where I am saved
This is my kingdom come, This is my freedom song
This is my helpless state, This is where I am saved

Let my ruins become the ground you build upon
Let my ruins become the start
Let my ruins become the ground you build it on
From what's left of my broken heart

This is my holy hour, This is my world on fire
This is my desperate play, This is where I am made
This is my kingdom come, This is my freedom song
This is my helpless state, This is where I am saved


As I was running the other day I listened to this song for the first time. I could not get over the words. I found myself stopping in mid-stride and just weeping. I started listening to the song over and over again, letting each word soak in. This song is the heart of what I feel, who I have become here in India. I have continually felt ruined. It was through this song I felt the Lord speaking to me, from what is left of me, He will build upon. I am not finished.

I plan to pick through ruins and look at the past three years. I want to process these pieces and listen to my Builder.